Thankfully, the consultant in hospital was amazing and managed to get me on the right medication, praise God, because that was a really long, painful process. The thing about mental health is it’s a struggle against your own mind and I honestly don’t think there’s a harder battle aside from losing someone. So I’m on the right medication where I actually feel like myself again, I don’t feel dopey or slow or jittery, I just feel average which couldn’t be more amazing haha.
So then I started facing the reality in front of me, where I’d moved to the other side of the world where I felt unwelcome and unappreciated. Moving to the other side of the world sounds so exciting and adventurous but let me just tell you, it’s the furthest thing from it. I missed my mum, I missed my pets, I still do to be honest. I miss walking around the lake in the sunshine, I miss my second family so bad, I miss my beautiful friends. So in my mind it made sense to come home. I missed everything about Australia and I was having an awful, cold time of it in England. I’d literally got to the point where I had packed my suitcases and was ready to split up my family. But I have this friend over here, she’s Australian actually, and she’s always talking about how she has to be where she feels a peace, where God wants her to be – that’s her compass. So while I was feeling unsupported, lonely, bored, homesick, her words stuck in my head. I *wanted* to go home, but as much as I was reluctant to admit, my peace was here. I fought that for months, but as soon as I decided to trust God things turned around for me within a week. I’m friends with everyone, I have lots of things to do during the day with Vivi, and the weekends are bliss with my family. I’m supported, I’m welcomed, I’m loved, all of a sudden. I’ve fallen in love with England again and I just *know* God wants His plans to unfold here. So I have plans this year, things I REALLY want to happen. But you just have to let go and let God be your compass.
I’ll always be homesick because duh, Australia. But ultimately, I choose to put my faith in God.
Still miss my mum tho 😉