Learning to love 

I used to be able to eat whatever I fancied and stay a size 8-10… No mean feat when I’ve always had a big appetite, a sweet tooth and a love of food haha. Ah the metabolism of youth, those were the days. These days, I’m trying so hard to eat right (and I mean hard, that damn sweet tooth), working out plenty, and drinking my two litres of water. Am I focused? You bet. Am I feeling good? Uh huh. Am I seeing results… NOPE. Many of you know I had the goal to lose 20kgs (roughly 40lbs) and be back to my normal weight by Christmas. I’m not after the perfect body… I know I’ve birthed and breastfed two babes. I know that cellulite is normal. But I just want to be the best me and feel great about myself. 

But then today, I was faced with a challenge. I saw my doctor and he explained to me that the medication that is working so miraculously on my bipolar, causes weight gain in two ways. Not only does it make you retain weight, it lowers your thryroid function which causes you to gain MORE weight, amongst other things. Which explains SO much. But anyway, that’s the dilemma – do I pick my vanity over my mental health, or do I choose to be chubby but happy 😂 You know what I choose? I choose my health and my happiness in every way. That’s what made me come home to Australia 🇦🇺 and I will continue on that journey. My medication is so clearly working and that’s gotta be the priority. I can’t be the mom I want to be, the employee I want to be, the friend or the daughter I want to be, if I’m not on the right medication. It just means I have to adjust my goals. Maybe it will take me longer to lose the weight. Maybe I’ll only get to a size 12. I’m not going to let it be an excuse for eating like shit but I will let it be a reason to be kinder myself. So I need to learn to love myself, to feel confident and stop comparing myself to my friends and to how I used to look, while I work extra hard. So maybe I’ll stop saving lingerie sets for when I’m a tiny little dot but maybe I’ll pick up an extra training session a week, maybe I’ll just have one cheat meal a week instead of the two , that turns into three 😂Anyway the moral of this long rambling story is that it might take me longer, I might have to switch up a few things, but I’ll get there. I won’t let my mental health determine my determination. And in the meantime, I’ll learn to love my jiggly bits every bit of the way. 

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